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  • Writer's pictureAudrey Zeitoun

The feeling of guilt when you make the decision to separate

I wish there would be a magic wand to wave that feeling away.

If you are the one deciding to separate it is very likely that you’ll experience guilt, not wanting to hurt the other person, wanting to make it easy for them, for the kids. You’ll put your needs last or you won’t even think they matter because you’re the one wrecking the relationship.

So when you think that does that mean the relationship is over only because of you? That the other person is not aware that the relationship has issues? They may be lying to themselves, ignoring the problems but my guess is you tried to solve them before reaching the decision to separate.

The other person even though they may not be aware that you’re thinking of a separation, they are aware that the relationship has issues, they may feel exactly how you feel but prefer stay in the confort of knowing what they have.

On the contrary, you don’t want to settle for what you have anymore and you’re willing to take a risk, change your life and dive into the unknown. Basically, you’re taking your responsibility and act on a very difficult situation by making a tough decision. It could have taken you months or years to decide so for now why not have kindness, empathy for yourself and feel relived that you finally made a decision.

Yes it will be tough but from now on, you’ll live by your values, what you believe in . It may be very vague right now but you know you don’t want your old life back and thats’ enough for now.

The rest will fall into place gradually. Only this month, I have coached 3 women who took the decision to separate and I’m helping them with letting go off the feeling of guilt.

It's not about ignoring but accepting it and also about accepting that it comes with the person making the decision. The key is not to let that feeling influence and control the important decisions you have to make.

What are the other feelings you experience at the moment? Relief, excitement fear, peace, lost?

Embrace the change and the unknown, doubting your decision is normal, your brain likes certainty and it will remind you of all the good reasons why staying in the relationship is what to do in the en.

Remind yourself why you’re leaving and why you won’t go back.

I can help you deal with the emotions and all these feelings; As you know I’m passionate about what coaching can achieve and how you can transform your life.

It’s going to be ok. Trust yourself 😊

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